Today marks the first day of my 2011 being the worst year of my life so far. And hopefully ever. Michael and i left for the airport at 5:15am so he can go to San Antonio for 10 days of training. I will fly down there on Friday, and return Monday. Addison is staying with her aunt Sarah, and my in-laws Dick and Diane. I am so thankful they can watch her for the weekend. Then he will be back home for 3 days, then is gone for 400. We are hoping he can be home for Addison's first birthday. (cross your fingers people.)
So my morning has gone like this: wake up, feed baby, drive to the airport, cry on the way home from airport, get home, let dogs out of their kennels, put baby back to bed, put myself back to bed, Addison wakes up, i roll myself out of bed, feed her, take a nap with baby and miss the end of the movie i was watching, wake up and cry more, feed baby. cry more. then some more because i saw a commercial for a show we watch together. Now i have no one to watch it with.
I decided to go down to the ol neighborhood walmart to pick up some baby stuff. The cashier asked me how my day has been. Bad choice for her because i immediately have to fight the tears and i said "i'm fine, thank you" but it came out more like this "(sniffle sniffle, deep breath) i'mfinethankyou" Oh crap. Here come the tears. I could feel her looking at me while i put the bags in the cart. She changed the subject and i couldnt have been happier. After that i stopped at my old work, Starbucks, and of course Christina, who i love so much asked me how i was and i cried. I tried not to, but i did.
I keep telling myself "Heather. Serious. Stop. You will see him in 5 days." But then that reminds me that after that happens, and after he comes home for those 3 days, i won't see him again for quite some time. Then i cry again.
I have realized what makes me cry the most is not that i miss him, it is that he will miss Addison's goofy toothless smiles, her cute snort giggles, her downhill skiing baby game that we stole from Mandi and Grace. He will miss her learning to crawl. He will miss everything for a year. A year.
I was crying while i was changing her diaper earlier and she smiled at me and grabbed onto my finger, it was the sweetest thing, but of course it just made me cry even more.
I need to get it together, for this little girl right here.
Isn't downhill skiing the best?!
ReplyDeleteI know it is hard, and I can't imagine how I would feel if Ryan left right now. What I also know, though, is that you are a strong woman and an awesome momma. Through letters, phone calls, skyping, and all the other sources available now-a-days you will do you best to raise Addison together, even though he will be in another counry. And what you guys can't do together, you will pull through and do with your friends and family here :)
Grace and I will be around for whenever you need a play date, a rolling over date, a teething date...all that stuff we get to deal with now... oh, and the occasional 20 minute cat nap date!
downhill skiing really is amazing! until she spits up all over, ha :)
ReplyDeletei am so glad you know what i am going thru, to an extent, and i can't begin to thank you enough in advance for being by my side for the next year. you, ryan, and grace will be a big part of our lives!